Living in Contradiction: The AuDHD Experience

Neurodiversity is as complex as it is fascinating. For those who identify as AuDHD—a term that describes individuals with both autism and ADHD—life can feel like a constant push-and-pull between two seemingly opposing forces. While autism often brings a desire for routine, deep focus, and structure, ADHD thrives on spontaneity, novelty, and impulsivity. The result? A unique, sometimes exhausting, but often deeply creative way of experiencing the world.

While estimates vary, studies suggest that 40% to 70% of autistic individuals also have ADHD. Yet, until 2013, the DSM-5 didn’t even allow for a dual diagnosis of both conditions, leaving many individuals without the full picture of their neurodivergent experience. Now, as more people recognize the intersection of autism and ADHD, we’re hearing firsthand what it’s really like to live with both neurotypes.

Here’s what individuals with AuDHD wish the world understood about their experiences.

A Constant Internal Tug-of-War

"I often feel like a living contradiction. I want order but cannot maintain it. I want to be systematic and precise, but I struggle with consistency. This leaves me constantly feeling like I’m never quite ‘good enough’ or that I’ll never ‘get there.’" — things my clients say

For many, the clash of autism and ADHD traits creates a frustrating paradox. The need for structure battles against the difficulty in maintaining it. The deep hyperfocus of autism conflicts with ADHD’s need for constant novelty. It's a never-ending cycle of starting too many projects and struggling to finish any of them.

"My ADHD brain signs me up for more than my autistic brain can deliver at times, and vice versa." — things my clients say

The Struggle with Schedules

"They require opposing needs sometimes. I need a schedule to function, but a schedule that’s too rigid feels restrictive and overwhelming. I have to constantly find a balance, and that’s exhausting." — things my clients say

One of the biggest challenges of being AuDHD is the constant negotiation between routine and spontaneity. Some days, the need for structure wins. Other days, it feels suffocating. Many individuals create flexible routines—schedules with built-in room for change—to balance the two.

"Autism makes some routine necessary. ADHD rebels against it. I have to make routines that allow me to change out parts. AuDHD keeps my life from becoming boring." — things my clients say

Executive Functioning Challenges & Burnout

"They both amplify my executive functioning struggles and sensory challenges. If I medicate my ADHD, I can ‘push through’ my autism differences, but this often leads to burnout and sleep issues. Sometimes, my traits are in conflict—like wanting to be meticulous and perfect but lacking the attention span to follow through." — things my clients say

Many people with AuDHD struggle with task initiation, organization, and follow-through. The autistic need for perfection collides with ADHD’s difficulty in sustaining attention, making productivity a challenge. When hyperfocus kicks in, they can work for hours—until they crash from exhaustion.

Social Challenges & Masking

"When my adult son misses social cues or feels socially awkward because of his ASD, his ADHD rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD) kicks in, creating a cycle of embarrassment and frustration." — things my clients say

Social interactions can be complex for individuals with AuDHD. Autism may create difficulty in understanding unwritten social rules, while ADHD contributes to impulsivity and oversharing. This combination often leads to social anxiety and masking—the exhausting process of trying to appear more ‘neurotypical’ to fit in.

"My symptoms make me somewhat of an outcast, especially as an adult. Both disorders cause me to miss social cues or misunderstand them. I think that’s why I constantly overshare." — things my clients say

Late Diagnoses & Self-Understanding

Many AuDHD individuals are diagnosed later in life, sometimes after decades of wondering why they felt different from their peers. The realization can bring relief—but also grief for the years spent struggling without understanding why.

"Not understanding myself and what AuDHD is—that’s what hurt my mental health the most. I think I would value myself more if I had understood myself through a neurodivergent lens rather than thinking I was just ‘broken.’" — things my clients say

"I was recently diagnosed at 63 years old. I didn’t always like myself, being so odd and all, but now I am fine with it. Actually, I don’t want to be like other people. I may be odd, but I am also gifted and unforgettable. Getting older allows you to become who you were always meant to be." — things my clients say

Finding the Magic in Being AuDHD

Despite the challenges, many AuDHD individuals see their neurodivergence as a source of creativity, insight, and resilience.

"When I don’t have to box myself into neurotypical work patterns, my autism and ADHD actually work well together. I can create intricate plans while maintaining curiosity and flexibility. What makes my life hard isn’t my neurodivergence—it’s living in a world that isn’t built for it." — things my clients say

"My ADHD wants to hyperfocus on a million different things, while my autism is happy with just one or two. My ADHD wants to do ‘all the things’, while my autism gets overwhelmed by it. They’re constantly clashing, so I try to support one with the other." — things my clients say

The truth about being AuDHD? It’s messy, frustrating, and sometimes exhausting. But it’s also deeply creative, insightful, and powerful. The challenge isn’t just balancing two neurotypes—it’s navigating a world that often fails to understand them.

For those living with AuDHD, the goal isn’t to ‘fix’ themselves to fit in—but to embrace their unique strengths and create spaces that allow them to thrive.